Feeling Down and Out?

this came to me as i was about to fall asleep last night, in that twilight of consiousness where you are more receptive to the messages that the universe sends. i wanted to write about it then, but as i didnt have a pen at hand, i went to bed, and now i can only hope to recapture the epiphone i had and recreate the wisdom that dawned upon me.

i think that there comes a time in the life of a human being where his temporal self sabotages his immortal self. now what exactly am i talking about. good question, im not quite sure myself, but lets see. let us asume that our imortal self consists of our soul, our temporal self of our body, the tool with which we can make something unreal real, in which we can turn a thought into an action which affects the physical world; and our mind can slip back and forth depending on what it is focused on. so our imortal self is what compels us to be good people, to do things that we know are right, and prevents us from doing bad things. our conscience while manifested in the mind, originates in our soul. the temporal self is essentially free to do whatever in this transient life, and is only directed by the mind. now the mind is really the key character in this play, because the mind is the bridge between this world and the next, and it can either be functioning or not, depending on how we choose to use it. i figure that all internal battles take place in the mind as it decides in which direction to go, and in the end it can only emerge victorious (and by victorious i mean as manifested in happiness and satisfaction with ones life) when we follow the guidance of our conscience and our heart (read: soul). i should note that while i speak in an abstract 'you' or 'we' or 'our' in reality i am speaking of my personal experience, dont ask me why i dont just use 'i' but i make a policy of not looking back too much so i just keep writing.

so the whole point of this if i can wrap my mental fingers around it is that while i genuinly believe that in the bottom all people are good, and kind and have the potential to be loving, they all have the capacity to fulfill theyre wildest dreams. sometimes our ego (temporal self) prevents the body from acting in a way that is consistent with the goals of our immortal self, which are essentially manifesting all the virtues that are innate to our humanity. basically im trying to say that there are times when you strait up dont feel like you are acting in the right way (there is no absolute right in practice, only in principle. in different cases the same right principles can lead you to act in diametrically opposite ways, but that is the nature of the beast) but you just cant seem to get out of the funk youre in, you energy level is low, and you just not that hyped on life. you can go through the days in a sort of daze without taking the time to stop and smell the roses. i think that essentially there is only one cause for all of this, that is not living in the present moment. now i dont that its not ok to plan ahead or think of the past, but the key is once again as my anonymous comentator said, 'to rise to the moment at every moment.' now this is easy when we are in a state of grace, where we are exited about life and things seem to be going our way. but then things turn around a little bit, and there is a subtle change in our way of being. it usually seems imperceptable at first, but next thing you know, you not making the most out of your days, your sort of going through the motions, etc.

in my case, i dont quite know what happened, but i know that i sort of slowed down, i wasnt doing as much in a day as i could have. i think alot of it has to do with the fact that im on my own in a way that i never have been before. the only thing between me and a lump of dirt is my self determination, i have to classes to attend, no 9-5 job, no hunger pangs, no kids to support. i basically have no outside source of motivation, and slowly, gradually, almost imperceptably i started to slow down, to dick around on the internet more, to watch a little tv, to go out for lunch, play soccer less, check my fantasy NBA team too often, to get a little lax on my study habbits. and then suddenly i didnt know why i wasnt feeling so satisfied with my self. its like i got a little lazier without even realizing it. its one of those changes that can only be appreciated over a large span of time, because day to day its imperceptable. in the end it comes down to self discipline on a moment to moment basis, about maximizing your breathing moments. i have never been submitted to a rigorous sort of discipline, but at the same time i have never been without outside timekeepers. and it is our self discipline that can set us free, if we cannot do the things we say we want to do then we are slaves to our own apathy, to our own sloth. and so i was, stuck in a place i didnt want to be, with my body having developed habits that my heart and soul didnt agree with.

so what do we do to get out of this. i think that as i just said, self discipline can set us free. it all comes down to personal integrity, doing what we said we were going to do. and not just in a vast metephorical metaphysical sense, but also in a minute day to day, hour to hour, sense. its like when you break a drug addiction, you dont think about how hard it is going to be to quit for 30 years, you think about it on a day to day basis. and if that is too hard, on a hour to hour, minute to minute scale. and so our discipline will set us free, and our word will be the guide. think and talk (to yourself is fine) about what you want to do, and then figure out what needs to happen on a minite to minute basis, and then figure out what you need to stop doing that you were doing while you were wasting time. i mean, even when i wasnt doing the things i wanted to do i was still wasting time doing something, and i have to stop doing that something, or do it quicker, or less often in order to make time for the things i do want to do. in a nutshell, make a daily to-do list, and make it as detailed and strict as you need until you can break the bad habits that you seem to be stuck in. youd be amazed at the things you can acomplish when you dont give yourself time to be lazy. its highly unlikely that you are going to collapse from fatigue, but if you do, then you need to tone it down a little, until you get used to the rhythm. i would also be sure structure this around a healthy lifestyle because nothing is more unpleasant than having to deal with you suffering body.

may dad always used to tell me when i had homeword to do, or mow the lawn, or any other thing that i thought i was forced to do: 'you can either do it or you can suffer'. and the older i get the more i see the wisdom in this. whenever you have something that you 'have' to do, it makes it alot better (your life will be more pleasant, you will be happier and you will have more time) if you choose to do it, rather than be forced with it. procrastination sucks, there is nothing worse (i suppose there are some things that are worse) than having that unique nagging sensation that burns in the back of your mind which arises from the knowledge that you should be doing something else. on the other hand there is nothing better (are there things that are better?) than that sensation of knowing that you are on top of everything and that you are in control of your life.

am i crazy? what do u think? please let me know
peace and love friends family and beyond
emiliano

Cas Came to Visit, and I Passed Out

As many of you may know my sister (Maya) Casilda came to visit when i got back from Barcelona. it was really good to see her (you in her case). but anyway, just go give note to the events that happened while she was here. first of all we had a sweet party. for those of you who have facebook you can see pictures of it on her profile. there was live music dancing drinking and all sorts of merrymaking. unfortunetly we eventually had to stop when the neighbors came to complain at 3 am. we tried to invite them but they wouldnt listen. so yea generally great evening.
other than that we just did alot of chilling and stuff. whenever she comes to visit everyone seems to come around alot more, which is quite nice. so there was alot more social life in the house than there has been lately. it did conflict a bit with my attempts to get back in a routine of studying and not vacationing in general.

well just to share a personal comical story. friday was 'el dia de San Canuto' which is the spanish equivalent of 420 and for those of you who dont know what that is, it is essentially the national marijuana smoking holiday. so i was invited to a concert/celebration in Malaga by the woman with whom i intern (see Cannabainternship). i should note that i hadnt smoked in a few weeks so my tolerance was reduced to nil. i should also remind you all of the potency of the cannabis in the region. so me and carlitos made our way there and to as we appoached we smoked a joint (in reality i took one hit but it was more than enough). sure enough it took us like 90 minutes to find a parking spot. so we parked and within two blocks or walding we had already lost the car, so we had to head back find it mark it on the map and set out again. we got to the destination just in time for the juggeling act to start. it was quite a gathering, from the sky it must have looked like a regular forest fire. we proceeded to watch the show and i took a few hits of joints that were passed to me. knowing my currents state of intolerance i did my best (relatively speaking) to keep my consumption down to a minimum. after the juggeling we went to get some food as i felt my blood sugar droping. we walked around the same block for half an hour before finally settling on a bar. upon returning there was a concert about to start, quite a good percussion group i might add. at this point i smoked some of another joint and tried to settle into the mood. within a few minutes i was starting to feel little dizzy. i went to lean against a palm tree. i remember a strong vibration from the gas generator next to the palm tree that was powering the whole shibaz.

and then i woke up. i opened my eyes to see a large group of people standing around me asking me if i was OK. i looked over to see i was about 20 feet from the palm tree and i had no idea how i had gotten there. from what was told to me i stumbled there as i feinted. its not over either. after i had layed there a little while i sat up and took my time to recover. after an hour of so we started to make our way home. we judged it would be a good idea to stop somewhere to get some coffee. keeping with the trend of the night we stopped at 3 rest stops without finding anything and at the third there was a police man waving some flags in there air. i figured ' damn, a detour, this is really going to slow us down, and i folowed the direction i though he was indicating' at his point carlitos mumbled something which i didnt understand. within a few moments there were sirens blaring behind me and the police pulled me over. apparently the 'detour' was in fact an alcohol checkpoint which i so casually drove away from. needless to say my behavior was suspicious. as i had wisely not drank anything that night, for fear of creating a symbiotic intoxication with the marijuana, i passed the breathalizer test with flying colors. i was still searched and they confiscated all the wonderful chronic i had been given at the celebration, some real once in a lifetime jewels. but in the end i was glad they let me go. we finally arrived about 4 hours later than we planned to sleep with great satisfaction.

now, many of the people who read this, probably over the age of 30 may be saying to themselves, 'what is up with this kid, one day hes all spiritual and shit, the next hes passing out from drug overdoses.' and to you i say, you have a very good point, but i assure you that i did not smoke very much on the relative scale, and that i only reccount the story to you for its comic value. i would venture to say that those who know me well would be impressed on the other hand by my current lifestyle despite how many drugs and other hedonist recreational activities i have available to me, with nothing but self discipline to deterr me.

just to give you an update as far as what ive been doing lately. i started yoga classes last week and i have already payed for 3 months in advance as a way of ensuring my commitment.i have now settled into an athletic schedule that suits me quite well, 3 days of soccer per week complimented by two days of yoga and two days of rest, in order to keep all the articulations operating at optimal levels. arabic classes start back up this week, finally. it has been a long recess and i am quite anxious to start back up. i am happy to say that i have purchased my tickets to india this summer and i will be there from may 29 until july 4. i have read several books lately, some of them extremely thought provoking and i wonder if you have read any of them.

The Perennial Philosophy by Aldoux Huxley- this book is basically an anthology of all the great mystics from most religious traditions. huxley has attmpted to compile his notion of what the core of these religions are, which are shared by all spiritual practices. honestly i found this book to be phenomenal, although its a bit heavy reading. it is certainly written from a european perspective, but with great admiration and understanding of the eastern spiritual traditions. as i have lately been in search of spiritual teachings i must say that aldous has served as an excellent teacher and i was more than happy to learn from him. i recommend to all who feel that all religions are essentially different fingers pointing at the same object, and who seek personal spiritual guidance.

Brida by Paulo Coehlo- another terrific book by the almost mythical author of 'the alchemist'. apparantly this is a true story which adds quite a bit of allure to it. this one chronicals Brida O'Fern's quest in becoming a witch and finding true love. as with all coehlo's books (at least the ones i have read) this book provides useful and practical moral and spiritual advice. his writing style is simple and easy to read. the thing i like most about his books are that they really make me dream of what is possible, and believe taht it can come true, and better yet that it is in my hands.

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl- this is a psychological analysis of the life inside a prison camp seamlessly woven into the authors account of his own experiences in the Nazi concentration camps. the narrative is both heart breaking and inspiring, devastating and hopeful. he essentially tries to find what it is that allows some people to live and others to die while in these camps and how it is that one can find a point to keep living when life all around appears to be worthless. he also includes an introduction into his own school of psychotherapy, logotherapy, or meaning therapy. his theory, and a damn good one at that, is taht what makes our lives worth living is finding a meaning in it. we can make up any meaning we like, but if we have one and we beleive in it we can survive even the harshest torture. his own experiences are the stronges validation for his ideas.

Muhammad: Biography of the Prophet by Karen Armstrong- this is obviously a biography of muhammads life. i find it to be quite enlightening as she treats him fairly and objectively without the spite that usually taints westerners perspective or the adoration taht taints muslims. she gives him credit as a prophet, and leader, statesman, and essentially and admirable and good man. she goes to great effort to make us understand him within his cultural and historical framework without falling back on our own moral absolutism. she also makes a point of comparing the muslim and chirstian worlds on a level playing field. this is must read for those who are interested in islam, but especially for those who have a negative idea of the religion and its prophet. it should correct many of the notions we may have ingrained in us by centuries of ingorance and bad publicity.

at the moment i am reading two very good books which i also highly recomment. first of all War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. they dont call it one of the greatest books ever for nothing, im about a quarter of the way into it and it just keeps getting better. you should however set aside about a month to read this book as it is ginormous. the other book is A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. i find this book to be quite interesting but i have always had an affinity for mathematics and the natural sciences. it is an excellent choice for those who are interested in modern physics, but dont have time to become a physicist. he makes abstact mathematical concepts readily available in laymans terms and there is actually a fair amount of humor in it believe it or not.

well thats all for now.
goodluck and godspeed mateys
love
em

Cordoba and Barcelona

its been a long absence. the last month has been a bit of a whirlwind and i've been stuck in a bit of a doldrum. ive been meaning to write for a while, but lo and behold, i havnt. this is a way of me to get back into the swing of things, get my motivation back, and with it my sense of purpose without which life becomes meaningless. sounds a little dramatic, but its really not, just a matter of post holiday hangover so to speak. but the long and short of it is im back until im gone again, which hopefully wont be anytime soon.

so i finally did a little traveling around spain. in andalucia i visited malaga (which is pretty wack, it is way too touristy and developed and has lost any magic that it may have had) and i also visited cordoba which was a much more pleasant experience. the central attraction in cordoba is the mosque/cathedral (originally a mosque and converteted, like the vast majority of the mosques in spain). this building is quite phenomenal in its architecture and its magic which i must say it preserves quite well.

and now for some pictures
this is the mosque from the outside. it is huge, as all the mosques and cathedrals are here in spain.








this is the inside. the whole thing , which must be a few acres at least is completely adorned with these double arches. it just keeps going and going and going. it is quite a magical effect taht really cant be captured in a picture. the sensation of..of.. i guess i dont quite know how to describe it, but is something like awe and admiration for the mathematical genious of the architecture. the alternating red and white are not painted on either they are actually alternating bricks and stone which adds to the awe i think, when you consider the amount of arches that had to be made (probably close to a thousand)








here is another picture of the mosque with a statue of jesus to christianize it.








aside from the mosque cordoba still retains alot of its character from its andalusian days. the city was famous for being perhaps the most advanced center of culture and learning (not to mention religious tolerance) in its day. some well known scholars are the muslim averoes and the jewish maimonides (as well as the roman seneca, although his day was long before it was a muslim capital)










these are statues of maimonides and seneca





aside form andalucia, i also visited barcelona. now barcelona is a happening city. i mean this place is a very cosmopolitan place with people form the four corners of the globe, but at the same time it doesnt have that overwhelming sensation you get in new york or mexico or any other 'big' city. it has a population of about 1.5 million and doesnt really have too many tall buildings. the city itself is extremely beautiful it is full of gothic and modernist archtecture, which im sure i would appreciate alot more if i knew anything about archtecture, but nonthe less it was a great visit and i look foward to going back to watch Barcelona (the soccer team) play. i stayed with a friend from granada who had an appartment right in the center of the city and we were able to walk everywhere. i would say the coolest part of the short trip was visiting the 'Temple de la Sagrada Familia' this is a very very large church which is still in the process of being built. it was designed by the modernist master antoni gaudi. the city itself is in a way gaudi's showroom and his influence is felt far beyond the reaches of architecture. the church is quite simply magnificent. i mean i dont knwo how to describe it, its just so freiking kool looking. it almost looks like a drip sand castle. i guess the pictures will speak more thant he words.

here is a picture as i approached it on the street.








this is a picture of the facade of 'the passion'

this is the nativity front.



























i few pictures of the sculptures on the outside.










these are a few pictures of the inside of the church.













like i said the church is not finished. currently their are 8 towers built. and supposedly they are going to add a bunch more and one of them is supposedly almost double the size. the inside is going to be inlaid with colors and all the wondows will have stained glass. in short i think it will be truly breathtaking when it is finally finished, i only hope that i am alive to see it.






here is a picture i found on the internet of what its going to look like when its done. ont he left is the current state of the building and ont he right is what its supposed to look lioke when its finished. needless to say they still have a long way to go, but so far so good.








good to talk to you again. ill be around