Feeling Down and Out?

this came to me as i was about to fall asleep last night, in that twilight of consiousness where you are more receptive to the messages that the universe sends. i wanted to write about it then, but as i didnt have a pen at hand, i went to bed, and now i can only hope to recapture the epiphone i had and recreate the wisdom that dawned upon me.

i think that there comes a time in the life of a human being where his temporal self sabotages his immortal self. now what exactly am i talking about. good question, im not quite sure myself, but lets see. let us asume that our imortal self consists of our soul, our temporal self of our body, the tool with which we can make something unreal real, in which we can turn a thought into an action which affects the physical world; and our mind can slip back and forth depending on what it is focused on. so our imortal self is what compels us to be good people, to do things that we know are right, and prevents us from doing bad things. our conscience while manifested in the mind, originates in our soul. the temporal self is essentially free to do whatever in this transient life, and is only directed by the mind. now the mind is really the key character in this play, because the mind is the bridge between this world and the next, and it can either be functioning or not, depending on how we choose to use it. i figure that all internal battles take place in the mind as it decides in which direction to go, and in the end it can only emerge victorious (and by victorious i mean as manifested in happiness and satisfaction with ones life) when we follow the guidance of our conscience and our heart (read: soul). i should note that while i speak in an abstract 'you' or 'we' or 'our' in reality i am speaking of my personal experience, dont ask me why i dont just use 'i' but i make a policy of not looking back too much so i just keep writing.

so the whole point of this if i can wrap my mental fingers around it is that while i genuinly believe that in the bottom all people are good, and kind and have the potential to be loving, they all have the capacity to fulfill theyre wildest dreams. sometimes our ego (temporal self) prevents the body from acting in a way that is consistent with the goals of our immortal self, which are essentially manifesting all the virtues that are innate to our humanity. basically im trying to say that there are times when you strait up dont feel like you are acting in the right way (there is no absolute right in practice, only in principle. in different cases the same right principles can lead you to act in diametrically opposite ways, but that is the nature of the beast) but you just cant seem to get out of the funk youre in, you energy level is low, and you just not that hyped on life. you can go through the days in a sort of daze without taking the time to stop and smell the roses. i think that essentially there is only one cause for all of this, that is not living in the present moment. now i dont that its not ok to plan ahead or think of the past, but the key is once again as my anonymous comentator said, 'to rise to the moment at every moment.' now this is easy when we are in a state of grace, where we are exited about life and things seem to be going our way. but then things turn around a little bit, and there is a subtle change in our way of being. it usually seems imperceptable at first, but next thing you know, you not making the most out of your days, your sort of going through the motions, etc.

in my case, i dont quite know what happened, but i know that i sort of slowed down, i wasnt doing as much in a day as i could have. i think alot of it has to do with the fact that im on my own in a way that i never have been before. the only thing between me and a lump of dirt is my self determination, i have to classes to attend, no 9-5 job, no hunger pangs, no kids to support. i basically have no outside source of motivation, and slowly, gradually, almost imperceptably i started to slow down, to dick around on the internet more, to watch a little tv, to go out for lunch, play soccer less, check my fantasy NBA team too often, to get a little lax on my study habbits. and then suddenly i didnt know why i wasnt feeling so satisfied with my self. its like i got a little lazier without even realizing it. its one of those changes that can only be appreciated over a large span of time, because day to day its imperceptable. in the end it comes down to self discipline on a moment to moment basis, about maximizing your breathing moments. i have never been submitted to a rigorous sort of discipline, but at the same time i have never been without outside timekeepers. and it is our self discipline that can set us free, if we cannot do the things we say we want to do then we are slaves to our own apathy, to our own sloth. and so i was, stuck in a place i didnt want to be, with my body having developed habits that my heart and soul didnt agree with.

so what do we do to get out of this. i think that as i just said, self discipline can set us free. it all comes down to personal integrity, doing what we said we were going to do. and not just in a vast metephorical metaphysical sense, but also in a minute day to day, hour to hour, sense. its like when you break a drug addiction, you dont think about how hard it is going to be to quit for 30 years, you think about it on a day to day basis. and if that is too hard, on a hour to hour, minute to minute scale. and so our discipline will set us free, and our word will be the guide. think and talk (to yourself is fine) about what you want to do, and then figure out what needs to happen on a minite to minute basis, and then figure out what you need to stop doing that you were doing while you were wasting time. i mean, even when i wasnt doing the things i wanted to do i was still wasting time doing something, and i have to stop doing that something, or do it quicker, or less often in order to make time for the things i do want to do. in a nutshell, make a daily to-do list, and make it as detailed and strict as you need until you can break the bad habits that you seem to be stuck in. youd be amazed at the things you can acomplish when you dont give yourself time to be lazy. its highly unlikely that you are going to collapse from fatigue, but if you do, then you need to tone it down a little, until you get used to the rhythm. i would also be sure structure this around a healthy lifestyle because nothing is more unpleasant than having to deal with you suffering body.

may dad always used to tell me when i had homeword to do, or mow the lawn, or any other thing that i thought i was forced to do: 'you can either do it or you can suffer'. and the older i get the more i see the wisdom in this. whenever you have something that you 'have' to do, it makes it alot better (your life will be more pleasant, you will be happier and you will have more time) if you choose to do it, rather than be forced with it. procrastination sucks, there is nothing worse (i suppose there are some things that are worse) than having that unique nagging sensation that burns in the back of your mind which arises from the knowledge that you should be doing something else. on the other hand there is nothing better (are there things that are better?) than that sensation of knowing that you are on top of everything and that you are in control of your life.

am i crazy? what do u think? please let me know
peace and love friends family and beyond
emiliano